He Who Pays the Calamist Calls the Tune

A calamist is a piper, so no calamity involved unless the piper is three years old.

From the Latin 'calamus' (reed).

PERPLEXED BY DEAD LANGUAGES IN ENGLISH USAGE?
​PETER THE PIPER, AH SORRY, PETER THE PROOFER, WILL COMMUNE WITH THE DEAD!